Mistress Rosie’s Guide To Channel Surfing

The Remote Control - IMG_3932
The Remote Control – IMG_3932 (Photo credit: jeroen020)

 

It Occurs to me that some Asswhores don’t apply the proper Rules of Etiquette when Channel Surfing. As per the Usual, I have written them for your dumbasses, just to make your life, and hopefully the lives of those around you a wee bit easier.

 

MISTRESS ROSIE’S GUIDE TO CHANNEL SURFING

 

1. NEVER Stop on an Infomercial and tell your partner that she should have a body like Christie Brinkley. You aren’t exactly CHUCK NORRIS, either, you Rat Bastard.

 

2. If you come across a well stacked woman , DO NOT turn to your partner and ask her if she would like a set of HOOTERS like that.

 

3. Don’t stop on a marathon of Happy Days and start repeating The Ralph Malph jokes, DON’T DO IT.

 

4. If you Find Reruns of Three’s Company on somewhere, don’t start saying, “Boy, I wish I could be in Jack Tripper‘s Shoe’s”. Dumbass, John Ritter is DEAD, and if you keep pissing off your mate, you might be too.

 

5. When you are watching sports, and your children are sleeping, screaming so damn loud every time someone scores or fouls. She shot daggers at you with her eyes the last time you woke up the baby, the next time the daggers may not come from her eyes.

 

6. If you have seen the movie before, don’t be a douche and give away the ending.

 

7. Don’t send her to the Kitchen to make you a sandwich, then turn the channel, only to tell her when she returns that her show has gone off. Do you think she is stupid?

 

8. Don’t watch depressing shit when you are depressed, it just makes it worse.

 

9. If you are too drunk to operate a phone, you are too drunk to Channel Surf.  You will Most Likely pass out in the chair with a six pack, drooling, all alone, with Fox News.

 

10. Just Give Her The Remote Already.

 

 

 

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